Weekends Are For...

...late summer backyard bonfires with the people you love. Roasting marshmallows to make s'mores that are so gooey they melt down your hand, while The Weepies are on the stereo in the background. And finishing the evening with an episode of Last of the Summer Wine while enjoying a lovely glass of red wine yourself. Yes, I believe that is one way to have a perfect Saturday night.

"The last of the summer wine,
a vintage wine, a vintage brew,
and now my love this toast I give,
thank you for being you."

- lyrics from the theme to Last of the Summer Wine by Bill Owen

And The School Year Begins

When I got to their room the girls were already awake. The little one had come down from the top bunk and crawled in bed with her sister to snuggle. I turned on the lamp and they jumped up, ready to start the day.

The boy, after being used to sleeping in until the crack of noon, did not jump anywhere. But he despises being late so he pulled himself from bed only a minute or two after his alarm went off and stumbled bleary-eyed to the bathroom.

I brushed their hair and they brushed their teeth. They put on new clothes and new shoes. The house smelled like blueberry muffins and fresh brewed coffee. I packed their lunches as they ate and went over last minute details with the little one. She seemed particularly little this morning as she pulled on her backpack. Too little to be heading out on her own.

Off into the still dark morning we went. The air seemed to know that school was starting and dropped to a lovely 68 degrees. We skipped the drop off lane this morning and parked instead. I wasn't quiet ready to let go of the little one's hand.

As we walked in, the boy shot off as I said, "Have a good day" over the din of the excited children filling the hallways. I held a little girly hand in each of my own. I dropped the older one off first. She was nervous. She doesn't do well with the unfamiliar. I walked her in, gave her a hug, and said good-bye. Her eyes betrayed her anxiety but she gave me a smile. My heart melted for my girl but I know she'll find her groove and do wonderfully.

All I had left to do was walk my baby to her new experience. She strolled in confidently, unpacked her backpack, and sat down to start her day without a single backwards glance. I started to leave, but then she jumped up and ran back to give me a hug. She still seemed far too little to be there. But I left her and made the walk back to the car alone.

The school year has begun.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow begins a whole new era around here. We are officially out of babies, toddlers, and preschoolers. Starting tomorrow we will have three big elementary school kids. Yes, my baby will go to kindergarten tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a tearful day I'm afraid. For me, of course, not the kids. They'll be fine. They'll go into school and meet their friends. They'll sit at their desks and learn new things. They'll have lunch and go to art or P.E. or music. They'll get on the bus after they've packed up their own backpack and after they've cleaned up their space. They'll do it all without me. And they'll be wonderful.

This is new for me. I've thrown all of my eggs into the stay-at-home mom basket. I've had at least one child at home with me for the last ten years. Everyone seems very excited for me to have some time alone. I'm not quiet as excited about it. I feel a bit of my relevancy as a stay-at-home mom disappearing. And frankly trying to decide what to do with that time is a bit overwhelming. This is all I've ever done, so it's going to take some time to transition into something else. Not that my kids won't be home at two o'clock and need my attention. I know that I'm still going to very much be a stay-at-home mom. But I'm aware that it's a different kind of effort and attention that they need at these ages. I'm good at the baby, toddler, preschool thing. But maybe that's just because it's familiar. Maybe this will fit too. I just need some time to get used to it. Maybe I can get our house really clean for the first time in ten years. Then again maybe that's just wishful thinking. After all, the children will still live here.

I will have plenty of time in the coming weeks to figure it out. For today I'm going to fill up on hugs and snuggle time. We have one more day to be a little lazy. So we're going to soak it up.


Tomorrow we will get up early. We will soothe first day anxieties. We will brush away tears. We will start another school year.

Jack Johnson In Concert

Dear Jack Johnson,

Thanks for visiting the Queen City last night. You can come back and sing to me anytime. I'll gladly spend my night wasting time and dancing to your laid back melodies.

Thanks for playing at the outdoor theater under the moonlight. It was the perfect mood enhancer to your guitar-bongo-piano beat. We had perfect seats. Up on the hill with a nice place to prop our feet up, have a drink, and relax. Thanks for breaking out the ukulele. I like a funky ukulele piece every now and then. It makes you want to prop your feet up, drink a little more, and relax.

Thanks for showing your softer side by talking about your wife and kids, and for playing Upside Down for the children in the audience. Personally I love Curious George, so I was just as excited about that song as I was about Red Wine, Mistakes, Mythology. Plus I was able to video it which made our kids really excited this morning when I showed it to them. I can tell it's going to be playing in the background of a lot of dancing around here.


Thanks for being a peace lover and breaking up the fight that broke out in front of the stage during Banana Pancakes. You're right, it's not a hater song. It's a happy song that should make you want to snuggle up with someone you love. But then again that's really the vibe that most of your songs have. Chill, surfer, beachy love with some be-nice-to-others ethics thrown in for good measure. Speaking of those ethics, thanks for not preaching it from the stage. I hate it when people do that. The slides during intermission were plenty and let me know that we're on the same charity page. Slow food, farm to school, clean ocean. I'm on board.

Thanks for Do You Remember and Angel. We needed one of those look-in-each-others-eyes-and-remember moments. It was lovely. And thanks for showing me that Rodeo Clowns is a really sexy song to dance to. Especially when it starts to drizzle rain and the audience is glistening with wet skin.

This little letter wouldn't be complete without also saying thanks to your friends. G-Love, Zack Gill, you guys are awesome. I knew you guys were good, but I didn't expect to fall in love. So thanks for some new songs on my ipod.

Last night was wonderful. I was downright giddy the whole night. And I'm not a giddy person, so that's saying a lot. Thanks for that. I needed a giddy night. I want to especially thank you for playing Inaudible Melodies and Bubble Toes. I love those songs. They're oldies and I wasn't sure if you'd play them, but I'm so very glad you did. Of course, I kept saying that I loved every song that started playing last night. I don't think you have a single song that I hate. That's pretty amazing.

Really, just thanks for an all around great night that left me crashed in bed dreaming about being carried off to the sea, which is my favorite kind of dream to have.


See you in between dreams,

Megan


PS: Thanks for my cool new regatta hoodie. People who really know me, know that I will wear the life out of it. Plus I get to see boats every time I put it on. My husband is the only person who truly knows why that's so funny. I'm glad he loves me despite my quirky sentimentality.

A Word On Breaks

Everyone needs a break once in awhile. I'm not talking about anything as big as a vacation, though those are wonderful. Nor am I talking about anything as simple as stealing an hour before bed to read a good book, though that is something I strongly encourage. I'm talking about a break from the daily. A break from your list, your chores, your musts. A break from those voices in your head that say move, move, move.

I'm talking about sitting in your home and just being there. I'm talking about taking the time to enjoy your space and your life and, most importantly, the people who fill your space and your life.

I hate the word "stay-cation" and since that's not what I'm talking about please remove this awful vocabulary word from your head. I'm talking about a break. A break as in break off a day or two or three from your routine and do nothing. You'd be amazed at how much you can do when you set your mind to doing nothing.

You can work on that puzzle that's been sitting in the closet for a year just waiting to be put together.


You can sit on the porch rail and watch the rain.


You can hang out with friends, be they as awesome as a fairy and a monkey or as familiar and comforting as your husband.


The last three years I have made myself take a break around this time of year. I make myself ignore the laundry and the dusting and even this blog. I make myself do things I don't take time to do. I do it now before we jump into the second half of the year with all of it's holidays and back to school and such. Before I have too many excuses. I make myself stop so that I can enjoy my children without distraction for these last few days of summer. I make myself stop before the fireflies go away and I miss them.

I make myself stop. I breathe deep and let the frazzled fall away. And I find that by the end of the week I can look around and give a contented nod.

I find a new sense of gratitude for my space and my life and, most importantly, for the people who fill my space and my life.

And to think, I got all of that from doing nothing.

Weekends Are For...

...cutting into the fresh watermelon that was bought from a wonderful lady at the farmer's market yesterday. And remembering, after the first sweet, juicy bite, that she threw in a free one just because your kids are so cute.

What makes a weekend better? A sudden summer downpour that makes children ride bikes home quickly, drop them at the door, and rush into the dry to play board games or watch an episode of Max and Ruby while curled up with a cat. Water hitting the roof in steady rhythm as the people inside relax and snuggle into the quiet that rain brings. All after a lovely lunch of roast chicken and summer veggies with that previously mentioned watermelon being dessert.

Yes. That is a good weekend.

Did I mention the watermelon? Mmmm, so good.

Coming Out Of Darkness

Yesterday, my friend wrote about being calm while stressed. About letting God hold you up when the stress of the world threatens to drown you. As I read her good words I felt a familiar frustration build in me and my face looked disconcerted.

I've been very angry with my pastor's sermons lately. Not because they're wrong, but because they're right and I just don't want to hear it. The sermons have been about forgiveness and trust and faith. They are dirty words in my head.

I feel like I used to be calm under stress. I used to be very content. I use to be hard to fluster. I was a roll-with-it kind of girl. But, oh my, after so much rolling I feel a bit dizzy. I'm not really angry with the people I mentioned above or with what they are saying. I'm angry with me and the circumstances that have led me to the dark hole I'm in. And I'd like to stay here, thank you very much. So I'd like it if everyone stopped trying to prompt me out of it. Only I don't really. I'm sort of done with dark and depressing. Or I'd like to be.

The one who says he loves me despite the pain wrote me a letter. I've read it every day this week. He says I'm not a failure. He says I'm allowed to be discouraged. He says I am good. He wrote it down so that I'd remember.

The One who loves me despite my lack of faith wrote me a letter. I've read it every day this week. He says don't be afraid. He says be encouraged. He says He is good. He wrote it down so that I'd remember.

I read these things and I know it's time to calm my anxious heart. It's time to lose the anger and deal with what's making me angry. It's time to meditate out the depressing and stop clinging to it like a warm blanket. Easy words to write, not easy to live. So what do I do when I need to pull myself out of my darkness? I curl up in bed with a brown-eyed baby or two or three and we watch Tom and Jerry. They make me laugh. And I feel I have accomplished more in that moment than I have in the entire week.