On Finally Turning Thirty

Most people don't know how old I am. In fact, on Sunday when people wished me "Happy Birthday" some were shocked to find out that I was only thirty. My oldest "baby" is almost eleven after all.

I'm told thirty is hard for some people. Me, I just shrugged my shoulders and went on with my day. When you start your twenties already a wife and mother, you kind of miss out on all of those typical twenty-something things that all of your peers are doing and jump right to the typical thirty-something things they all look forward to doing later. So in a way, I've felt thirty for the last ten years. That would bother some people. (In fact, I know of someone that bothers deeply to the point of crisis.) But I see it this way: I got everything I really wanted in life. Only I got it early.

That said, my twenties were full of both joy and hardship. Lots of hardship. And I'm certainly not entering my actual thirties the way my twenty-year-old self thought I would. I've been thinking a lot about that naive twenty-year-old girl. She had no idea what was coming but if you had asked her I'm sure she would have given you a picture of complete marital and parental bliss. The next decade would prove to her that bliss is overrated and possibly unachievable. Instead she would learn that life is actually more of a roller coaster of ups and downs that make it much more exciting than continual bliss.

My twenty-ninth year has given me the chance to start a whole new chapter of my life in this decade. (It's taken me a while to say given, and not "slapped me with a whole new chapter of my life".) For starters, I'm stepping into my thirtieth year not wearing a wedding ring. Certainly not something that twenty-year-old girl saw coming. In a week, I'm moving. Just me and the kids. I'm going to walk into Lowes the week after that and pick the first color that makes me happy and paint my room without the opinion of a single other soul, just because I can. I've never done that before. A week after that, I'll be registering for classes. I'm going back to school. Also something that twenty-year-old never thought would happen. I'm getting a degree in Illustration, because when I really looked at my options it's the one that makes me the most excited. Making a major decision like that on my own is also something I'm not familiar with.

I'm looking forward to this coming decade. Where my twenty-year-old self was certain of what my future held, my thirty-year-old self knows not to make such silly comments. I don't have a clue what my life will look like at forty. But I'm OK with that. There's adventure in not knowing.

One thing I do know is that I have a good life. All I have to do is look around the dinner table at my three crazy sprites to know that. We're going to be OK.

I like thirty. I think I'll wear it well.