Monday, February 28, 2011

Weekends Are For...

...getting some fresh air. Especially when that air is 75 degrees and the buttercups are coming up.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011


I've been away.

Literally, I've been away. I piled the kids up and we headed to Charleston. We needed to do a little mending in the company of good friends.

It looked like it was going to be a relaxing weekend until I caught what felt like the flu. It put me to bed by mid-Saturday leaving my dear friend to take care of all seven of our children alone. And like the true rock star mom she is, she ended up giving them a wonderful day while I slept it away. They had a tea party, a water gun fight, and even painted pretty pictures. By the time we loaded up the next day we were all sad to leave. It's good to be taken care of every now and then.

I'm back now.

Healing, physically. Dealing, emotionally.

Time to move forward. Not really sure where forward is taking me but at least I'm moving. I think.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Lovely Cards

I love kid made valentines. I love watching them make them and exchange them with classmates. I love that for a minute they all get along and treat each other kindly.

This year I loved watching each of my kids as they decided who to give certain valentine's cards to.

Sicily gave freely with little care as to the message on the card. She just cared that everyone got one. And more importantly that in giving everyone one, they would give her one back.

Analiese picked out the best ones for her "B.F.Fs.". "To my B.F.F. Molly From your B.F.F. Analiese x0x0." Oh, my.

Chris was very careful as to the message that each card sent. He was especially careful that none of the girls got the wrong idea. He made it very clear that he was only giving out cards because he had to and that he thinks valentine's day is a stupid girl holiday. Oh son, yes, yes it is but that doesn't mean you get out of participating. My boy is growing up, but it's reassuring to know that I have a little bit longer until he's giving a girl a valentine because he wants to. For now, girls still have cooties. I'm ok with that and so is he.

Hope you all had a lovely Valentine's Day.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

A Painting For My Heart

First Kiss, Bouguereau

This painting has been above our bed since the first day we moved in together. We chose it because they fit us. He the passionately aggressive one, always trying to pull me from within myself. Me the guarded reserved one, unsure of how to give myself to him. That's who we were. We've grown up since then and this picture has begun to haunt me. It rips at my heart for the boy and the girl who were. I wonder who they would have become on a different road.

He left a few weeks ago. The split has been on the horizon for awhile now. One night as I crawled into bed alone I realized I couldn't stand to sleep beneath this picture any longer. So I took it down and turned it to the wall. It's who we were and in a twisted way it's who we are. He's still passionately aggressive but it's aimed at a place outside of me. And me, I'm just a different kind of guarded. I'm jaded. I live that reality daily, I don't need the visual reminder. But then I found myself curled up beneath a wall of nothing. I felt my heart go numb from the loss. So I moved the bed.

He came back last week. But that picture will never go back on our wall. It's not who I want to be. It's wrapped up in too much hurt. I need a new picture. The problem is I don't know which one this story will lead me to choose.

My heart wants it to be this one...

Duy Huynh

...but I fear the distance and hurdles to reach this embrace are too great.

So will it be this one?

Moment of Clarity, Duy Huynh

Walking a new road alone?

I'm waiting on the story to unfold.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Dreary Day Fun

Oh my, how I wish my camera would have been handy as my three walked in from the bus today. What a pitiful lot they were! All staring down at rain boots while soaked hoods draped to their eyes. Their wet backpacks looked like they weighed two tons. Not a smile among them as they came through the door.

After all of the wet gear was shed they tromped into the kitchen wearing soggy, sad faces. This mama knew it was a hot cocoa afternoon. Three hot chocolates later spirits were starting to lift, so we built a blanket fort. Pillows and popcorn and flashlights. Key ingredients for getting drenched little sprites to laugh again.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

A Season of Perspective

Nothing that is can pause or stay;
The moon will wax, the moon will wane,
The mist and cloud will turn to rain,
The rain to mist and cloud again,
Tomorrow be today.
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

This new year has left our household fraught with change. I have no words to say. I have many words to say. I am anxious. I am calm. I am discouraged. I am hopeful.

No, I'm not schizophrenic. It's just complicated.

I promise I'll be back here soon to start sharing. I've just needed some time to process it all myself. Until then I leave you with some pictures of my lovely kids enjoying an unseasonably warm day this past weekend. Sometimes the unexpected can be exactly what you needed.