Presence and Happiness in the New Year

Those who prefer their principles over their happiness, 

they refuse to be happy outside the conditions they seem to have attached to their happiness.  

- Albert Camus

All true happiness, as all that is truly beautiful, can only result from order. 

- Benjamin Franklin

These two quotes may seem odd ones to begin a post about the new year.  But they actually sum up the things I've been thinking about as this old year has come to a close.  Happiness and the search for.  Or rather, how to be.  And not just be happy.  But how to just BE.  Be content.  Be secure. Be present.  
The search for happiness is something that I have struggled with in recent years.  Being a wife, mother, and homemaker defined my early adult life.  I had found my place in that world.  I knew who I was.  And I was happy in that life.  I've found that as I rebuild who I am as a single, working mother, I'm struggling to find my happy.  And I think it has a lot to do with Benjamin Franklin.

I've tried to order something beautiful out of the chaos.  All along forgetting that there is beauty in the chaos.  Camus reminds us that order, when adhered to blindly and rigidly, can consume our fragile chance for happiness.    In other words, you can't order happiness.  You can't build a happy life.  Happiness is found within ourselves.  At the heart of the matter.

All of that said, Benjamin isn't completely wrong either.  While you can't let your happiness lie in the hands of the conditions of your life, you certainly shouldn't live a life that isn't centered around the things that make you happy.

I think I've forgotten all of that.

When I started to rebuild my life after my heart was broken, I cast aside parts of myself that made me truly happy.  As if I couldn't be who I was before, simply because someone else had changed the rules. Just go back three years on this blog and you will see what I mean.  Where are the handmade and local living posts?  Where are the traditions and the quiet moments?   This blog feels like a chore sometimes because I'm a little lost without certain parts of who I was.  Sometimes I throw a wordless picture out because it's all I have to give.  Those are the moments that I realize that I'm not as present in our daily life as I should and want to be.  I've lost my center.  I've lost some of the parts of myself that order my happiness. Those are the things that I've felt the conditions of my current life won't allow.  Those are the things I'm taking back.

This year, we made a big move.  It was a risk.  Six months later, it's still a risk that I'm sorting through.   This year, we let some things go.  And sometimes you have to let things go to know how much those things mean to you.  Like community.  We are a family that centers itself on community.  It's vital.  And we miss that deeply.  This year, we grew a little more into who we are as individuals.  The boy is a runner.  He is loyal and strong.  The oldest girl needs quite time in nature if she's going to shine on her stage.  That is her center.  She found that on a horse.   The youngest one is a competitor.  She is also timid and loving.  They are all so different and all so beautiful.  

As for me, I was reminded that I am an artist, visual and written.  I was reminded that it's OK to wander.  Because not all who wander are lost.  I was reminded that it's OK, and good even, to make beautiful things, even if no one else cares.  I was reminded that I am allowed to be both the woman I was before and the woman I have become.  Most importantly, those three beautiful sprites reminded me, in their growing, that presence today is all I can give them for tomorrow.  Presence is what they will carry with them in their memories and their hearts.  So in planning our future, I must guard our today.

This coming year, I'm taking back some parts of myself that have been collecting dust on the shelf.  I'm returning to a handmade life.  My hands need to create.  I'm returning to clean eating, living locally, and simplicity.   I'm continuing the expectation that my art and my writing matter, if only to myself.  I'm continuing the traditions of our home, both new ones that we've come to love, and old ones that have been forgotten.  And finally, I'm returning to quiet moments here in this space.  Moments that celebrate family and time together.  Muddled reflections and poetry.  Rain and homemaking.  I want to be more present in our daily.  The small daily moments that make us.

This is going to be a big year.  It's a year that holds change.  I can feel it in my fingertips.  I honestly don't know where we will be at the end of this year.  I don't think I've ever started a year like that.  Change has always caught me just a little off guard.  But this year, on day one, I can feel it coming.  I can feel the leaves rustling in my soul.  A gentle breeze is stirring and the wonder of an open heart is calling.  This year could take us anywhere.  Can you feel it?  It's exciting.

Let's begin.

Our Year in Pictures

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Blue and Gold

The school year is coming to a close.  End of grade testing is done.  Grades are in.  It's the last week of school.  Time for year book signing and end-of-year parties.  Time to clean out desks and return library books.  Time to say good-bye to friends.  And, for us, some of those good-byes are permanent.  This week has been bittersweet.  We are glad to see the school year end, but sad to see it end as well.  For us, this is the end of a chapter.  We are going to miss our little community school with its wonderful traditions.  More than that, we will miss our friends.  This year's Blue and God day (aka: field day) was all the more meaningful because we knew it was our last.  So we lingered in the moment of the day.  I took more pictures than usual.  We hugged friends harder than usual.  We made it count, so that we can take as much of it with us as we possibly can.

Everyone agrees, the parachute is the best part of field day.

Up

Under

Giggle

Fall Out

A friend of theirs recently described these two as "peanut butter and jelly".  I couldn't agree more.  

Masterpiece Performance and Gallery Show

I have had the privilege of teaching art at Masterpiece Studios for the last five years.  My girls dance at the studio and all of my children take art classes.  My kids have grown up at the studio.  Sicily started dancing there when she was just two, Analiese was four, and Chris was seven.  Masterpiece is our home away from home.  My co-workers (there are only three of us)  and their children have become a part of my extended family.  I'm incredibly blessed to love my job.

As much as I love teaching year round, my favorite part of the year is our Performance and Gallery Show.  It truly gets better every year.  I love the creative energy of preparing for it.  I love the adrenaline of the last week.  And I love that moment when I'm near tears backstage watching my students, who I'm so proud of.  It's the culmination of a year's worth of hard work.  We all pour ourselves into this show.  Not only is it rewarding for me, it's also an incredible experience for my children.  They get to see the complete process of putting on a show.  They help with sets and props.  They rehearse for hours.  They help backstage.  They have their own dressing room for their many costume changes.  They help with set up and tear down.  They see the sweat and tears and laughter and joy of it all.  Not many kids can say they've been a part of the whole process.  I'm not going to lie.  There are days when we are all exhausted and never want to go back and I wonder why I do this.  Being a part of the arts is hard and tiring (and penniless).  But the payoff comes every time.  It's that moment after it's all over when a student walks up to you and gives you a hug and you can see the pride in their parent's eyes.  You were a part of that child's moment.  It's worth it every time.

This year our theme was Kicking It Old School.  We took a tour through the decades.  It was so much fun!  In fact, it was hard to limit ourselves.  There's so much we wanted to represent.  I feel like we hit the highlights though and ended up with some very fun pieces.  This show stretched me technically.  Chris put together 30 second videos for each decade.  I learned that my computer skills aren't as advanced as I'd like to think they are.  Formatting a video montage may be outside of my skill set.  But we all learned something. (And that's a good thing, right?)  This show also had more sets and props than we've ever had in a show.  It made backstage a bit of a mad house as my stage hands and I ran from one side of the stage to the other.  My feet have never hurt so bad after a show!  This was also the most performance art we've had in the show.  It made it a creatively challenging show for me and my art students.  All in all, it was a great show.  Despite many hiccups in rehearsal, the show itself went smoothly.  It was fun and I think the audience loved it because they knew all of the songs.  Most importantly,  I think the students had fun.  Everyone was wonderful.

representing the 1940s :  USO girls dancing to Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy by the Andrews Sisters

This is my favorite recital costume that my girls have ever worn.  So cute!

representing the 1940s:  My USO girl saluted the audience and then bowed her head in tears at the memory of her fallen friends and the horrors of WWII

As the music starts (Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson)  the artist begin building her wings

This moment got me right in the heart.  He gently takes her hand and leads her  

She is a live sculpture representing hope and love

representing the 1950s:  The dancers showed the lighter side of the 50s so I felt that artists should show the edgier side. The boys represented Abstract Expressionist, Jackson Pollock and Mark Rothko.  Analiese is representing the Beat generation by reciting a poem about the deeper meaning of abstract art.  I'm seriously so proud of this girl!

representing the 1960s civil rights movement:  the female artists demonstrated and sit in and protest for civil rights.  On one side of their signs was negative qualities sometimes given to girls.  Instead of accepting those labels, they rose in protest to proclaim the positive attributes they have to offer.  All to the tune of Aretha Franklin's Respect!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

representing the 1960s:  What the World Needs Now Is Love

these embroidered costumed fit the period so well.  And they were so pretty as the girls flitted around hippy style

Our finale represented today.  Performed to Hall of Fame by the Script and Will.i.am
Our beautiful pointe ballerinas danced around the back alley set as the boys graffitied our studio motto.
Dream *Create* Inspire

these photos were taken during rehearsal.  So you have to picture it without the practice paper up.  It looked really cool

It was a wonderful juxtaposition between what's seen as beautiful and what's seen as gritty.  It also spoke to the struggles of being an artist of any kind.  The determination and strength, the risk and inspiration.  It was really beautiful.

Gallery Show

I had some amazing artists this year.  I'm really proud of all of them

My older students focused on concept and individual style.  Their work reflected it.  They presented real gallery quality work this year.  I'm really proud of them.

I'm especially proud of this kid.  In a few weeks you will be able to see this piece hanging over my couch.  I think it's awesome

We did a unit on Andean Textiles and Installations.  This is part of that unit.  I really like the way this turned out.  The two to the right are my girls.  These will also be hanging in my house soon.

This was my favorite show to help produce and display.  I poured my heart into it.  I know that my children poured their heart into it.  This will be one of those things that sticks with us all forever.

The Finishing Season

It's that time of year again.  The finishing season.  In the past two weeks we've had a band concert, gymnastics finals, school finals, end of grade testing, and our big Masterpiece performance and gallery show!  It has been a crazy few weeks as we prepared for all of that!  So you'll have to excuse the lack of posting around here.  If I haven't lost everyone, stick with me.  The next few posts are going to be big. Ending with a big announcement.

Let's start with band...

Earlier this spring, the boy auditioned and was moved up to bass clarinet from clarinet.  It was a pretty big deal around here!  He worked really hard for it and was rewarded for the hard work.  (Life lesson? Check!)  He started this school year not even knowing what a clarinet looked like.  He walked into his first band class not knowing how to play an instrument or read music or even how to really keep a beat.  As I watched him at this concert, it struck me just how far he had come.  He has not only learned how to play one instrument, he has learned to play two by the end of the year!  I'm so proud of him.  (And props to his teacher!  Teaching that many students to play such a wide range of instruments is no easy feat.  Seriously. That woman deserves a raise.  Or a box of chocolate, since we all know teachers are under paid. Can I get an Amen?!)

And now on to gymnastics...

My little gymnast.  She's awesome!  This year she was at the gym for over two hours every week (and in the dance studio for an hour and a half each week.  She's in amazing shape!)  Her final assessments happened over the course of two days.  Day one was for gymnastics.  That means she went through a series of exercises on the equipment such as the bars and the balance beam.  Her biggest achievement this year was learning to do a one armed  round off dismount on the balance beam.  She still needs a spot but it's still impressive.  I'm pretty sure that if I attempted that move I would crack my head open!  Day two was for tumbling.  This was the first year that she was in a tumbling specific class.  She wasn't a big fan.  She definitely prefers the bars and the beam.  However, I can see the benefits of the class in her overall performance.  She's stronger and tumbling helped with her flexibility.  I'm so proud of this girl.  She's a born athlete.


Dance and Art classes at the studio also ended....

The girls have danced at Masterpiece for the last five years.  This is the first year that they were in the same class.  It was fun for me to watch them dance together.  They both have such different strengths and weaknesses. And they have grown so much in the last five years.  Sicily started at the studio when she was two!  Both of them have developed into lovely young ladies in our time at the studio. They are both beautiful dancers.  We owe that to their teacher of the last five years, Jackie.  She is so great with them and loves them like they're her own.  I love her for that.

This was my strongest teaching year yet.  Each year I feel like I figure out how to do this whole teaching thing a little bit more.  This year I took a completely different approach with my older students.  I spent the first half of the year introducing them to the technical elements of art, such as color theory, composition, line, and form.  The second half of the year I introduced them to conceptual art and encouraged them to develop their own unique concepts and styles.  The art work out of that class reflects the change.  Their art is edgy, unique, and conceptually intelligent.  They amazed me!  I will definitely be trying this approach again.  I loved watching their mind's work.  Children are able to see so much more in the world than we give them credit for.  The piece above is my boy's.  It' s a deconstructed clock representing the decay of time.  The pieces get smaller and more deformed as your eye moves across the piece.  I love it!  I think it's brilliant.  He's a great artist....

but more on that later.  I'll save the big show for tomorrow.  As a teaser though I'll say this:  It was our best show yet.  We took the theme and the artistry to a whole new level!