Cheers To An End and A Beginning

For last year's words belong to last year's language.
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning.

~T.S. Eliot, "Little Gidding"

I wouldn't say this year has been bad. I wouldn't say this year has been good either. I would say this year has been challenging. It has been a year of growth. And of growing up. It has been a year of set backs. It has been a year to reevaluate. And reevaluate. And reevaluate. It has been a year of heartache. It has been a year of deep sacrificial love.

This was the year the baby bird flew the nest. The year she took off to a new world outside of our home. The year she started kindergarten. This was the year she found her best friends. (A feisty mess of sprites they be.) This was her year for independence. And the year her independence left her needing a lot of mama snuggle time. This was the year she learned to ride a bike. This was the year she learned she likes having wheels to exert that independence. This was the year the ocean didn't scare her. This was the year she started learning to read and add and write her name. This was her year for growth.

This was the year the middle one was pushed, maybe too hard. This was a year of tears. This was the year she drew on, sculpted, and built with at least 200 cardboard boxes. This was a year of fairy magic and nature appreciation. This was the year she learned to ride a bike. This was the year she learned that she doesn't really like riding a bike. This was her year to need shelter and comfort. This was the year she got her ears pierced. This was the year she soothed her soul with the ocean. This was the year her best friend moved away. The year she made a new best friend. This was the year she read A Little Princess. This was her year for challenges.

This was the year that marked a decade for the boy. The year he heard the phrases "be respectful" and "be nice" and "go to your room" more than he cared to. This was the year he found his creativity. This was the year he sculpted a dragon and filled a sketch book with drawings. This was the year he read novel after novel after novel. This was the year he watched Princess Bride and liked it (something his mom thinks is key to be a well rounded person). This was the year he was put in the honors class. This was the year he learned that while honors may mean extra privileges , it also means extra work. This was the year he rose to the occasion. This was the year he grew into the same shoe size and T-shirt as his mom. This was the year seeing his mom cry made him pre-teen moody face soften. This was the year he learned that doing that right thing can leave him feeling left out with his friends. This was the year he needed more wisdom from dad than care from mom. This was the year he started growing up.

This was the year that Steven and I...well I don't know what to say about us. This was the year we reevaluated everything. Everything. This was the year we went bankrupt. The year we learned our family could not only make it, but thrive on very little. This was the year we fought hard. This was the year we loved hard. This was the year Steven excelled at work. This was the year he really knew he had found his niche, his calling. This was the year he worked three jobs to make the income from that calling livable. This was the year he sold his motorcycle. This was the year my last baby went to school. This was the year I started to accept that she is really my last baby. This was the year I learned to make strawberry jam. This was the year I let the ocean soothe my soul. This was the year I needed a lot of soul soothing. This was our year of set backs and break-through. This was our year of heartbreak and deep sacrificial love.

I'm ready for the new year. And yet with each new year I want to slow down time. I'll turn thirty this coming year and my son will officially be a pre-teen in the coming year. It's cliche, but childhood does go by far too quickly. As does life. I have many resolutions for this new year but that's for another day.

For now, let me just say "Cheers!". Cheers to the new year. To new opportunities. To new beginnings. To new growth. To new joys.

And thank you. Thank you for reading, for commenting, for supporting this somewhat melancholy, sometimes muddled woman. For loving our beautiful mess.

Happy New Year.