Muddled Reflections

It's rainy and gloomy here today. It's wonderful. It's quiet. It's a wrap up in fleece kind of day. I need today.

I'm horrible at rest. I mean really horrible. I can't seem to shut myself down at night to sleep. And I'm awful at just sitting. Yet, I feel that little voice saying Be Still. So I sit to rest. But the laundry calls and on my way there I see the dishes and oh my, one of the kids has left behind a mess. And all of a sudden it's 1pm. My moment of rest is long gone. This is a problem. When my exhaustion catches up with me I become so easily overwhelmed. My spirit energy seems to be depleted by my lack of physical energy. So I snap at the kids when I shouldn't. Their little heads hang in hurt. I get annoyed by my husband. I drag through the chores really getting none of them done. I cry more.

I used to fall asleep praying. I used to have this mental image of falling asleep leaned into my strong Father's chest, telling him of my day like a little child. He would listen until I had left all of my loose thoughts with Him. And then rest would come. I'm not sure when I stopped doing that. But I did. I stopped leaving my thoughts with Him and instead I let them bounce around my head until I'm overwhelmed with life more often than I care to admit.

I hear Him calling me back. Calling me to lean strong into His shoulder. To be still. To know that He is Lord. To know that He has a plan. To know that I am His child and His children need rest.

So you see I need today. I need the rain. I need to sit down and listen to the rain. Just listen. I need to cuddle with a few kids and kiss my husband. Then I need to pray so that I can rest.