Muddled Reflections

This is how it was supposed to happen. Steven gets a job at a big firm, puts in his time, makes partner. We buy a house, a house that needs a little work, a house at the top of our price range, but a house that we'll be in for a very long time. And the top of the price range thing, well, that was ok, because of the aforementioned "making partner" which equals making more money. See I had this crazy dream of finally settling down with our little family into this old house that our kids would grow up in. And when they were grown they could come back with their family and say, "See. This is where I grew up". I know, that doesn't happen much anymore, but it was my dream. My dream to have and to lose.

Because that's not what happened.

What we didn't consider is that lawyers aren't bullet proof. If you look at the track record at these firms you can be easily fooled. They bring in these young attorneys and those young attorneys work hard, pay their dues, make sacrifices and finally become old partners. That's it. That's the way it works. Only it didn't. What we didn't consider was a serious tank in the economy where even hard working young attorneys get let go. We didn't consider that the banks would fail and our safe little Charlotte town would start to struggle. We didn't consider that so many people, well educated, smart people would be left to scrape at the jobs on the bottom. We didn't consider that there would be a time when we couldn't pay the mortgage and they would take the house away.

And yet here we are. We're sinking and if this old house doesn't sale by the end of the month, they might take it away. And then we won't be able to buy another house until our oldest is out on his own. There will be no house that he grew up in.

Yes, it's sad. If you've been with us long enough, you don't judge us, you just shake your head and say, "that's just the way it goes for them". And you'd be right. It is the way it goes for us. At the end of this year we will celebrate ten years of marriage. In some ways this year will be a fitting end to this ten year journey we've been on. It has taken a full ten years for both of us to be fully broken. It's ok, broken pieces of glass make the prettiest mosaics.

Our's is a good story. A story of pain and struggle, of deceit and ugliness, of joy and happiness. Don't forget the happiness. I see it everyday in a rough and tumble boy and two little princesses.
Looking at ten years, I've decided to tell our story. Slowly. In sweet drops of rain. Washing out the hurt. If you don't want to hear it just skip over the posts with this title. I understand. This is for me. I need to share it because under it all is a faithful God that deserves to be seen. His hand is ever present and His grace needs to shine.

And don't worry. We'll be ok. You'll see, despite it all, we're always ok.